Wow. It’s been a minute since I last wrote.
Time has flown, but the topic of self care and anxiety still holds an important place in my heart. In truth I’ve battled with my own mental health on and off recently.. so overcoming that and writing about it was just too much to handle.
But I’m back and wanting to address something that’s been playing on my mind for a while.
I’ve been blessed to be in a position where the first time ever, I’ve had (and have still to come) multiple holidays in a year. It truly is a blessing for me as I’ve come from humble beginnings.
I, as everyone else does, love a holiday. I love the build up almost as much as the trip itself. The researching, the outfit planning, the shoppinggggg. But one thing I’ve felt lately is an increased pressure to look ‘beach body ready’. This disheartening slogan from Protein World isn’t exactly a new concept, but it’s impact remains as strong as it’s initial inception. I hear women talking constantly about not being physically ‘ready’ to go away, to not feeling confident enough to post a holiday pic, or wear a bikini or even shorts or dresses on the beach.
I’m totally feeling that pressure. I still work out regularly, but since getting married my drive to look a certain way has gone somewhat. I’m no longer willing to say no to a friend for a catch up over dinner to avoid the calories: I want to live my life and enjoy it. I’m still relatively strict, because I physically and mentally feel better when I do ‘healthy’ things, but I don’t stop myself from indulging… well until my holidays came round.
I go to Marrakesh in two weeks and I constantly think about not being slim enough. I look in the mirror multiple times a day grabbing my flesh feeling frustrated my belly hasn’t gone down, or my thighs aren’t toned enough even with regular running and gym sessions. I feel stressed about not feeling confident, stressed about not looking sexy enough for my husband in swimwear, stressed about how I’ll look as the holiday progresses and I indulge a little.
I hate this feeling. I hate the anxiety this is giving me. A holiday is meant to be just that – a break. A break from worries, a chance to have fun and live life. Yet I’m consumed with having a certain ‘look’ for the beach.
It’s not okay that I’m feeling this way. I recognise that. I own that. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and be proud of how I look, regardless of whether I have abs or not. I’ve worked incredibly hard to be able to afford to go away, so I want to enjoy it for what it is. I won’t lie, I’m not there yet. But I’m working on it. I have breaks from scrolling through IG at the picture perfect holiday spam. I remind myself not everyone looks or should look like the girls on Love Island.
Importantly, I won’t deprive myself. If I want the odd glass of wine in the lead up to my holiday, I’ll have it. If I don’t want to work out, I won’t.
This isn’t about being shallow or whining about prepping for a holiday. Depriving myself and giving into the guilt has bigger more harmful implications to my mental health. It tells me I’m not good enough. That I need to change. That I should be better. Or different.
Feeling that way is never okay.
I’m writing this to say if you feel this way, you’re not alone. We can get to self acceptance together ❤️
themarriedmillennial 