Why now?

I wanted to share my most honest post yet and explain my motivations for starting my blog.

I’ve battled with anxiety and depression for most of my life and it had reached its peak once I entered the world of work around 22.

I’ve had cognitive behavioural therapy four times, and I’ll probably go again.

I’m not someone who always finds life easy. I have an insane amount of empathy which means I take on others pain. I can’t watch the news. I can focus on the bad and find it hard to recognise the good.

That’s me at my worst.

As I’ve got older I’ve got to know myself better. Ive become more settled in my personal life with getting married to my best friend being the most important and proudest moment of my life.

As I’ve got older and more comfortable in my own skin, I no longer criticise myself or feel ashamed for how I am at my worst. I have a greater understanding and appreciation of what makes me, me.

I’m not ashamed. There are things in my life that have happened that have significantly contributed to the way I think and feel. I understand and acknowledge that, therefore I know myself better.

Through this journey of understanding I’ve become more vocal and honest with how I’m feeling. I haven’t hidden it from employers. Sometimes I could have shared in more productive ways, but I’m still proud I shared. I won’t hide who I am. I share with friends, colleagues, and now the general public through the blog.

The more I’ve shared the more I’ve realised I’m not alone in feeling the way I feel. Millions of us struggle with our mental health every day. It’s an invisible struggle but one of the biggest killers. We all need to talk about it more.

For those I haven’t shared this with they’ll probably be surprised reading this. I’ve worked hard over the years to not let my issues with anxiety have a negative impact on my life: it’s been a silent battle only those closest to me have seen. I am the ultimate professional. I’ve led teams. Mentored juniors. Presented at conferences. Gone head to head with CEO’s.

See the thing is having anxiety struggles doesn’t make you incapable of doing the above. I have and continue to find ways to manage how I feel. Some days I’m more successful than others. Some days I have no issue with anxiety at all.

Anxiety has become something that I acknowledge is around me sometimes, but I refuse to let it define me. I work hard to continue to understand my feelings so I can do the best things for myself. Resigning from a role without having another role to go to at the time was me doing the best for me.

I don’t have it all sewn up, but I’m on a journey and I’m proud of who I am. I can say I am a good friend, sister, daughter, wife. I am good at my job. More than good.

I can be all of the above and still have anxious moments. That’s all they are now – moments where I may struggle. I acknowledge it and move on: because I want to embrace life, not run away from it. I want a life full of laughter and light, not fear and darkness.

This has become a bit of a word vomit so I’ll wrap this up, but I hope me sharing this will help at least one person. You’ll realise you’re not alone, or crazy, there’s nothing wrong with you. It is completely possible to be both happy and sad. Successful and anxious.

Anxiety doesn’t have to define you. I will continue to share my journey with anxiety to inspire and provide comfort. You’re not alone ❤️